This is my anthem this week. I need some motivation to GET UP and get things done. I keep waiting for this thing or the next, one person or another, the right time, for everything to fall into place, and it is past the point of being acceptable. I struggle with fear, fear of failure. But honestly, to quote Marianne Williamson, like most of us I am afraid that I am powerful beyond measure. It might not be eradicated overnight, but I'm not going to conquer anything without effort. So here it is. Hopefully some of you will be inspired to get started, or keep going.
It's your dreams, your choice, your time, your life, so don't you miss it!
Showing posts with label My Melancholy Mind. Show all posts
Showing posts with label My Melancholy Mind. Show all posts
Sunday, October 25, 2009
Mary Mary - Get Up
Monday, October 12, 2009
Postpartum Depression, Bottle Feeding and Infant and Mother Separation at Birth
I read this article today and decided to share. It is not conclusive evidence, but it is an interesting beginning to what, I hope, will be more research.
Postpartum Depression, Bottle Feeding and Infant and Mother Separation at Birth
Posted using ShareThis
Postpartum Depression, Bottle Feeding and Infant and Mother Separation at Birth
Posted using ShareThis
Let's Start at the Beginning
When I think about the importance of family, one of the first things that comes to mind is maternity leave. In China, women under 30 are given 3 months paid leave, women 30 and over, 4 months. Women in Mexico get 12 weeks, and Cameroon, 14. Both paid. And most of Europe is even better. England is more than 6 months. Polish women get 4-5 months and French women 16 weeks for the first baby, and more for subsequent children. Paid. The United States? Nothing. If your company is covered by the Family and Medical Leave Act, then you are entitled to 12 weeks. Unpaid.
I know that people argue, especially for smaller companies, that it will cost too much money to pay women to stay home with their children, even at a flat rate. But if other countires can afford to do it, why can't we? Each county has different laws, different taxation rates, different health care systems and governments, yet most of them manage to give mothers at least three months of paid leave, so I'm sure that we can find a way to make it work.
The US is one of only 5 countries in the world that don't offer paid maternity leave. I know a lot of women in the US, women that work at small companies, women that work at blue-collar jobs, women that had difficult pregnancies and had to take a lot of leave before the baby was born, that had to go back to work the day after their 6 week checkup. Some even before their 6 week checkup. Even if women are covered by the FMLA, most are required to use all of their sick and vacation time first. Yes, it helps with getting paid for as many weeks as they had time, but it also means that they have to return to work with a small child at home, and no time off available. This is not a good situation for the mothers or the babies. If there are other children or a spouse at home, it is not good for them either. And the family suffers.
Unrealistic and often unobtainable expectations prevail...like putting in full day at work and getting home to a baby that ooohhs and coos for a few minutes then promptly sleeps through the night. The reality is often harsher, and more difficult. Everyone is sleep deprived. The baby knows that mom has not been there all day and needs her attention, love and affection. And everyone still has to eat, and bathe, and occasionaly wear clean clothes. We have mothers that are stretched too thin too fast. As most people know, if mom is ok, everyone is ok. Let's take care of our moms.
Here are a few websites to check my facts about maternity leave:
http://www.childpolicyintl.org/issuebrief/issuebrief5table1.pdf
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Parental_leave
http://www.ethiopianreview.com/business/274
Unfortunately, the fight to change the maternity leave laws is often waged on the state level. To learn more about the efforts to change the laws:
http://www.momsrising.org/maternity
http://www.progressivestates.org/content/369/maternity-and-paternity-leave
And if you are trying to figure out how to pay the bills and stay home with your baby, here are a few ideas from other moms that made it work.
I know that people argue, especially for smaller companies, that it will cost too much money to pay women to stay home with their children, even at a flat rate. But if other countires can afford to do it, why can't we? Each county has different laws, different taxation rates, different health care systems and governments, yet most of them manage to give mothers at least three months of paid leave, so I'm sure that we can find a way to make it work.
The US is one of only 5 countries in the world that don't offer paid maternity leave. I know a lot of women in the US, women that work at small companies, women that work at blue-collar jobs, women that had difficult pregnancies and had to take a lot of leave before the baby was born, that had to go back to work the day after their 6 week checkup. Some even before their 6 week checkup. Even if women are covered by the FMLA, most are required to use all of their sick and vacation time first. Yes, it helps with getting paid for as many weeks as they had time, but it also means that they have to return to work with a small child at home, and no time off available. This is not a good situation for the mothers or the babies. If there are other children or a spouse at home, it is not good for them either. And the family suffers.
Unrealistic and often unobtainable expectations prevail...like putting in full day at work and getting home to a baby that ooohhs and coos for a few minutes then promptly sleeps through the night. The reality is often harsher, and more difficult. Everyone is sleep deprived. The baby knows that mom has not been there all day and needs her attention, love and affection. And everyone still has to eat, and bathe, and occasionaly wear clean clothes. We have mothers that are stretched too thin too fast. As most people know, if mom is ok, everyone is ok. Let's take care of our moms.
Here are a few websites to check my facts about maternity leave:
http://www.childpolicyintl.org/issuebrief/issuebrief5table1.pdf
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Parental_leave
http://www.ethiopianreview.com/business/274
Unfortunately, the fight to change the maternity leave laws is often waged on the state level. To learn more about the efforts to change the laws:
http://www.momsrising.org/maternity
http://www.progressivestates.org/content/369/maternity-and-paternity-leave
And if you are trying to figure out how to pay the bills and stay home with your baby, here are a few ideas from other moms that made it work.
Saturday, October 10, 2009
It Takes a Village
When I was 15, I went to Mexico as an exchange student with a small group from my high school. On the way there, our 1st flight was delayed and we missed our connection. This was before the days of cell phones and widespread internet. The airport staff, dealing with a lot of irate passengers, continually brushed us off. We called our school, and the head of the exchange program was not helpful. Lacking enough change, we couldn't all call our parents. Having run out of options, we prepared to sleep in the airport.
Suddenly, I heard my name being paged. Surprised, I listed to see if I would hear it again. There it was, I was being instructed to pick up a red courtesy phone. I picked one up, told the person my name, and was instructed to come to the ticket counter, and make sure my classmates were with me. So we gathered our stuff and found our way to the ticket counter, all the while wondering what was going on. We got to the counter and were lead to a back room. We crowded into the room, and a woman sitting behind a desk looked up. She surveyed the group of teenagers, and then looked at me and said "You need to call your mother. Now." and handed me a phone. As it turns out, my mother had gotten a call from the teacher at our school informing her that he knew we were stuck in Texas. That's it. They are stuck, and I know. Well, that was NOT acceptable. Armed with a phone book (yes a yellow pages) she tracked down the number for Continental's unaccompanied minor department in Houston. She appraised the staff of our situation, and the staff quickly stepped into action. We had a chaperon, a hotel and food within 30 minutes of that phone call. The airline did not know we were unaccompanied minors (that was the fault of our teacher and the agents that booked our fights and checked us in) and none of the other parents thought to call the airline. Thankfully my mother did, and she didn't call and say my daughter is stranded, she said my daughter and her classmates are stranded, and gave the airline personnel our names, genders, and approximate ages. In fact, when we arrived the woman behind the desk checked us against what my mother said, first, and then against the computer. Thanks to my mom, none of us slept in the airport. And all of the other kids excitedly told their parents how "[my] mom got us a room in a NICE hotel! And free FOOD!"
When we returned from Mexico we all waited together for our bags. Slowly, parents began to arrive and stand with their children. My parents were nowhere to be found. The other parents noticed that I was still alone, and asked if my parents were there. I said no. Once their child had all their bags, they said goodnight, and left. One by one, all of the parents started to leave, without a second thought or backward glance. It was late, the airport was fairly empty, and I was a teenage girl, alone, in an airport in a city about 2 hours from my home. I went to look around for my parents, and did not see them. Aside from being scared, I was nervous, worried...all I could do was wait, and everyone was leaving. When I returned to the baggage carousel, I saw my classmate and his parents, who happened to be elderly, the last people still there. Maybe it's because they grew up in a different era, but they did not leave me alone. They waited with me until my parents came because it was the right thing to do. And I am grateful for them, may God rest their souls.
I know that I was not the responsibility of any of the other parents, but what about doing what's right? They all came, knew I was the only child whose parents hadn't arrived yet, and in some cases knew they lived within 30 minutes of me, and said goodbye without a second thought. Not a single backward glance. No concern for my safety or well being. I, simply put, was not their problem. What if my mother felt the same about their children? What if she had told the airline employees that her daughter, who was the youngest in the group, was an unaccompanied minor, but not mentioned the other kids? Would they have felt slighted, offended, would they have called her selfish or uncaring when they discovered that I had slept in a 5 star hotel and eaten two free meals at a nice restaurant, while their children were left to fend for themselves? I was 15, and a few of them were 17 and 18, technically not unaccompanied minors. But because my mom told the airline employees that we were together, they kept us together. My classmates were not my mother's responsibility, but she did what was right, because we were all children.
In the years since then, I have had numerous other scenarios like this. My family will drive other children home or wait with them until their parents pick them up. But when the shoe is on the other foot, when we are late or stuck in traffic, we arrive to a child standing alone, the parents of the children that we wait with and drive home saying "bye sweetie, tell your mom I said hi" as they pull off.
I know that we are "different", but wish we weren't. I wish that when people stepped in to help, parents didn't automatically get defensive, so that they could accept constructive criticism. We can't separate the good from the bad if we don't listen. I wish people thought about other children the way they think about their own. Your children are amazing, and unique, and wonderful, and special to you, and other children are exactly the same to their loved ones. Maybe if we applied the golden rule, ALL of our children would lead happier, safer lives. Just a thought.
Suddenly, I heard my name being paged. Surprised, I listed to see if I would hear it again. There it was, I was being instructed to pick up a red courtesy phone. I picked one up, told the person my name, and was instructed to come to the ticket counter, and make sure my classmates were with me. So we gathered our stuff and found our way to the ticket counter, all the while wondering what was going on. We got to the counter and were lead to a back room. We crowded into the room, and a woman sitting behind a desk looked up. She surveyed the group of teenagers, and then looked at me and said "You need to call your mother. Now." and handed me a phone. As it turns out, my mother had gotten a call from the teacher at our school informing her that he knew we were stuck in Texas. That's it. They are stuck, and I know. Well, that was NOT acceptable. Armed with a phone book (yes a yellow pages) she tracked down the number for Continental's unaccompanied minor department in Houston. She appraised the staff of our situation, and the staff quickly stepped into action. We had a chaperon, a hotel and food within 30 minutes of that phone call. The airline did not know we were unaccompanied minors (that was the fault of our teacher and the agents that booked our fights and checked us in) and none of the other parents thought to call the airline. Thankfully my mother did, and she didn't call and say my daughter is stranded, she said my daughter and her classmates are stranded, and gave the airline personnel our names, genders, and approximate ages. In fact, when we arrived the woman behind the desk checked us against what my mother said, first, and then against the computer. Thanks to my mom, none of us slept in the airport. And all of the other kids excitedly told their parents how "[my] mom got us a room in a NICE hotel! And free FOOD!"
When we returned from Mexico we all waited together for our bags. Slowly, parents began to arrive and stand with their children. My parents were nowhere to be found. The other parents noticed that I was still alone, and asked if my parents were there. I said no. Once their child had all their bags, they said goodnight, and left. One by one, all of the parents started to leave, without a second thought or backward glance. It was late, the airport was fairly empty, and I was a teenage girl, alone, in an airport in a city about 2 hours from my home. I went to look around for my parents, and did not see them. Aside from being scared, I was nervous, worried...all I could do was wait, and everyone was leaving. When I returned to the baggage carousel, I saw my classmate and his parents, who happened to be elderly, the last people still there. Maybe it's because they grew up in a different era, but they did not leave me alone. They waited with me until my parents came because it was the right thing to do. And I am grateful for them, may God rest their souls.
I know that I was not the responsibility of any of the other parents, but what about doing what's right? They all came, knew I was the only child whose parents hadn't arrived yet, and in some cases knew they lived within 30 minutes of me, and said goodbye without a second thought. Not a single backward glance. No concern for my safety or well being. I, simply put, was not their problem. What if my mother felt the same about their children? What if she had told the airline employees that her daughter, who was the youngest in the group, was an unaccompanied minor, but not mentioned the other kids? Would they have felt slighted, offended, would they have called her selfish or uncaring when they discovered that I had slept in a 5 star hotel and eaten two free meals at a nice restaurant, while their children were left to fend for themselves? I was 15, and a few of them were 17 and 18, technically not unaccompanied minors. But because my mom told the airline employees that we were together, they kept us together. My classmates were not my mother's responsibility, but she did what was right, because we were all children.
In the years since then, I have had numerous other scenarios like this. My family will drive other children home or wait with them until their parents pick them up. But when the shoe is on the other foot, when we are late or stuck in traffic, we arrive to a child standing alone, the parents of the children that we wait with and drive home saying "bye sweetie, tell your mom I said hi" as they pull off.
I know that we are "different", but wish we weren't. I wish that when people stepped in to help, parents didn't automatically get defensive, so that they could accept constructive criticism. We can't separate the good from the bad if we don't listen. I wish people thought about other children the way they think about their own. Your children are amazing, and unique, and wonderful, and special to you, and other children are exactly the same to their loved ones. Maybe if we applied the golden rule, ALL of our children would lead happier, safer lives. Just a thought.
Monday, October 05, 2009
A New Theme
I'm trying to get more organized. The past two weeks have been difficult for me, I've been disorganized, lacking focus and generally unproductive. My to-do list was a mile long, and I didn't get past the first 10 feet.
So I've decided to get organized. I finally made a daily schedule, and I already see the difference. I know, one child is not that much work, why would I need a schedule? Well, the schedule helps both of us. My son is a very active child, which I love, and that means that he doesn't like to sit and chill while I do other things. A few weeks ago, I started taking him outside in the backyard every morning. We have a fun backyard, with a play house, car, slide, balls, and other small toys. He loves his outside time, but after a while it gets too hot and we have to come in. And I spend most of the rest of the day trying to figure out what we are going to do next, thinking about all of the non-parenting things I have to do, and wishing I was an X-woman with mutation that would allow me to do multiple things at once, like play with my son, write a grant proposal letter, and crochet some fingerless gloves. Unfortunately, I don't have a mutant X gene that allows me to be in 6 places at once, or use the computer just by thinking about it, so I had to come up with a better system. Hence, the schedule.
Now, I know that after we come inside we are going to have "music and movement", and then a snack. I am no longer trying to figure out what to do, I already have an idea. Sometimes it is specific (storytime) and other times it is more general (free play). I even included "quiet time" in the schedule, so that he ca learn to sit still and entertain himself while I do other things (like clean). And we are both happier, because he knows what to expect, and I am less exasperated. The schedule has worked wonderfully, but along with the schedule, I had to change my mindset.
I have a limited time frame during which I can do "other" tasks on a daily basis. If I have a deadline, or something comes up, my schedule can change. But most days, I have two hours during nap and two hours after bedtime to myself. No more staying up until 2 and 3 in morning, as I usually accomplish little and am sleep deprived. This meant that I had to readjust my idea of how much I can get done in a day, or a week, and that is okay. Maybe I will work smarter, or faster, but I will also have to be more realistic with my deadlines and expectations. And that is a good thing. I think that with the schedule and change in mindset, I will be a better parent, and a more productive employee and entrepreneur.
While I'm on a getting organized kick, I like the idea of weekly themes on my blog. I know that there will be postings that are off topic, but having a weekly theme helps to keep the blog organized, and more regularly updated. Don't worry, I have a LOT of themes in my mind. And if you have any suggestions, let me know.
Until next time, here's something to think about:
So I've decided to get organized. I finally made a daily schedule, and I already see the difference. I know, one child is not that much work, why would I need a schedule? Well, the schedule helps both of us. My son is a very active child, which I love, and that means that he doesn't like to sit and chill while I do other things. A few weeks ago, I started taking him outside in the backyard every morning. We have a fun backyard, with a play house, car, slide, balls, and other small toys. He loves his outside time, but after a while it gets too hot and we have to come in. And I spend most of the rest of the day trying to figure out what we are going to do next, thinking about all of the non-parenting things I have to do, and wishing I was an X-woman with mutation that would allow me to do multiple things at once, like play with my son, write a grant proposal letter, and crochet some fingerless gloves. Unfortunately, I don't have a mutant X gene that allows me to be in 6 places at once, or use the computer just by thinking about it, so I had to come up with a better system. Hence, the schedule.
Now, I know that after we come inside we are going to have "music and movement", and then a snack. I am no longer trying to figure out what to do, I already have an idea. Sometimes it is specific (storytime) and other times it is more general (free play). I even included "quiet time" in the schedule, so that he ca learn to sit still and entertain himself while I do other things (like clean). And we are both happier, because he knows what to expect, and I am less exasperated. The schedule has worked wonderfully, but along with the schedule, I had to change my mindset.
I have a limited time frame during which I can do "other" tasks on a daily basis. If I have a deadline, or something comes up, my schedule can change. But most days, I have two hours during nap and two hours after bedtime to myself. No more staying up until 2 and 3 in morning, as I usually accomplish little and am sleep deprived. This meant that I had to readjust my idea of how much I can get done in a day, or a week, and that is okay. Maybe I will work smarter, or faster, but I will also have to be more realistic with my deadlines and expectations. And that is a good thing. I think that with the schedule and change in mindset, I will be a better parent, and a more productive employee and entrepreneur.
While I'm on a getting organized kick, I like the idea of weekly themes on my blog. I know that there will be postings that are off topic, but having a weekly theme helps to keep the blog organized, and more regularly updated. Don't worry, I have a LOT of themes in my mind. And if you have any suggestions, let me know.
Until next time, here's something to think about:
"We can no more enjoy life by hoping for a future result,
than we can enjoy music by waiting for the final note."
Vernon Howard
than we can enjoy music by waiting for the final note."
Vernon Howard
Enjoy your life!
Wednesday, September 09, 2009
I worked there!
As I browsed through news articles from Yahoo!'s home page, I ran across a familiar name. "Hey, I used to work for that guy!" Although Burt Flickinger was an oft quoted man long before I worked for him, I did not often come across his name. And I can not recall seeing it in the years since. It was an interesting thing, seeing the name of your former boss in print, recalling what it was like to work for him, remembering all of the things I saw and read and learned during my time with SRG.
And it reminded me of another news worthy former employer of mine, the Early Emotional Development Program. While I was there we were working on a preschool depression study, which has recently become MAJOR news. I'm still in touch with my former colleagues, and was quite excited to see of all the press about the study. And it was a little surreal, to read about something about which I have first hand knowledge.
I wonder what (or who) I'll read about tomorrow...
Walmart article (Burt Flickinger III)
One (of many) about Preschool Depression (Dr. Joan Luby, EEDP)
And it reminded me of another news worthy former employer of mine, the Early Emotional Development Program. While I was there we were working on a preschool depression study, which has recently become MAJOR news. I'm still in touch with my former colleagues, and was quite excited to see of all the press about the study. And it was a little surreal, to read about something about which I have first hand knowledge.
I wonder what (or who) I'll read about tomorrow...
Walmart article (Burt Flickinger III)
One (of many) about Preschool Depression (Dr. Joan Luby, EEDP)
Thursday, September 03, 2009
I'm a hustler baby
I realized this evening that I have a few things I'm trying to get going. In addition to being a stay-at-home mom, I recently got a part-time tutoring job, am setting up my etsy shop and selling my stuff locally, and advertising my services as a virtual assistant. I'm also looking into getting one more out of the house part-time job, at least for the time being. I'm here for now, so I could as well, right? And thankfully, except for the tutoring job, I can continue my various jobs no matter where in the world we decide to go, which is important and essential, given our lifestyle.
I'm also trying to make a very big decision. Do I go back to school for a year and do something I'm good at but don't love, or go back for 5 years and risk failure to do something I am passionate about? Or do neither and focus all of my energy on being an entepenuer? I feel like the clock is ticking, and I still have so much I want to get done, but time is running out.
I'm also trying to make a very big decision. Do I go back to school for a year and do something I'm good at but don't love, or go back for 5 years and risk failure to do something I am passionate about? Or do neither and focus all of my energy on being an entepenuer? I feel like the clock is ticking, and I still have so much I want to get done, but time is running out.
Thursday, August 13, 2009
It's been a long time
I've had a busy summer. Lots of traveling...by plane, train, automobile, and even coach (bus). I attended the long awaited for union of my oldest friend and her husband (CONGRATS Mrs. H! And Mr. H too.) I've packed and unpacked, moved lots of furniture, had a yard sale or two and spent time with the family. I went to look at schools with my sister, spent some time with my goddaughters, saw my friends, and reconnected with a person or two. And that's not all. My baby celebrated his first birthday, and he is running around, calling me by my nickname (instead of mama) and generally giving orders. He's a blast! I've contemplated where in the world we are going to live, applied for about 50 jobs on three continents, and made a few decisions.
One of the most exciting decisions is that I'm going to sell crochet accessories. Yay! I know some of you have been waiting a LONG time for me to come to that decision. Thank you for your patience. I hope that I can have your continued support (and purchasing power). For now, I'm going to stick with women's accessories, and I will definitely have some organic and natural stuff for the "crunchy" crowd, like myself. There might be a few baby blankets and other items, for those of you that really want one of my lovely handmade items for your little one. I do have a deadline, which is fast approaching, so keep your eyes open for the launch of my etsy store.
So far, I've made some belts, a few hat and scarf sets, and earrings (thanks for the suggestion AT, they are not easy to do but they are cute!). Is there anything else you all would like to me to make? Those of you that know me personally have an idea of the kind of stuff I make, feel free to make suggestions (or requests). And for those of you that don't know me personally, I will post some pictures in the next day or two.
I'm going to pick up a hook and some thread, and get to work. Until the next posting, be well.
One of the most exciting decisions is that I'm going to sell crochet accessories. Yay! I know some of you have been waiting a LONG time for me to come to that decision. Thank you for your patience. I hope that I can have your continued support (and purchasing power). For now, I'm going to stick with women's accessories, and I will definitely have some organic and natural stuff for the "crunchy" crowd, like myself. There might be a few baby blankets and other items, for those of you that really want one of my lovely handmade items for your little one. I do have a deadline, which is fast approaching, so keep your eyes open for the launch of my etsy store.
So far, I've made some belts, a few hat and scarf sets, and earrings (thanks for the suggestion AT, they are not easy to do but they are cute!). Is there anything else you all would like to me to make? Those of you that know me personally have an idea of the kind of stuff I make, feel free to make suggestions (or requests). And for those of you that don't know me personally, I will post some pictures in the next day or two.
I'm going to pick up a hook and some thread, and get to work. Until the next posting, be well.
Thursday, June 25, 2009
Friday, May 29, 2009
The two-nine's have it!
Birthdays are for me what new years are for most people. A time during which I reflect on the past year, and think about my future. I don't make new years resolutions, or birthday ones, but I do take the time to think about what a blessing it is to celebrate another year of life.
This time last year, I was focused on the life growing inside of me. I had just returned to the States from China, so that I could give birth at home. I was still adjusting to the time change, the attention and support of my family, and was making post-baby plans. This year, my son is almost one, and I am amazed and awed by how much has changed in the last year of my life. Not only motherhood, but I have changed and grown a lot in the past year. I did not think I would be in the US this long, but hindsight is 20/20 and I am grateful that I've been able to develop my skills as a lady of leisure...and earthy mummy.
It has been an interesting, and in many ways, challenging, year for me. There have been some moments that I would rather forget, and others I will remember for the rest of my life. All told, it has been a good year, as all of my years have been, and for that I am truly grateful.
This time last year, I was focused on the life growing inside of me. I had just returned to the States from China, so that I could give birth at home. I was still adjusting to the time change, the attention and support of my family, and was making post-baby plans. This year, my son is almost one, and I am amazed and awed by how much has changed in the last year of my life. Not only motherhood, but I have changed and grown a lot in the past year. I did not think I would be in the US this long, but hindsight is 20/20 and I am grateful that I've been able to develop my skills as a lady of leisure...and earthy mummy.
It has been an interesting, and in many ways, challenging, year for me. There have been some moments that I would rather forget, and others I will remember for the rest of my life. All told, it has been a good year, as all of my years have been, and for that I am truly grateful.
Tuesday, May 19, 2009
On the road again
We are on the road again. So, this is a quick update.
I love the play areas at Tampa Airport! The next time I'm there, I will take a picture and post it. I took my son there and let him run around until he practically fell asleep mid stride. It was hilarious. He recently learned how to walk, and still trips on his own feet sometimes. He was so tired that he tripped, and just stayed down. I got him up, kept him up for a few minutes, and then we boarded the plane. He slept for most of the flight. It was great. Business class seat, sleeping child. One of my best flights in years (second to International First/Business Class which we used to do when my mother worked for the airlines). The only good thing about all these stupid fees for bags and such, is that a business class seat (when you don't have to pay additional to check bags) is sometimes only a little more expensive than a coach fare plus all of the fees. So, because I check bags, it is worth it for me to give the extra money ($30 this time) to upgrade to business. A wider seat for me and the little one, better drinks and snacks (hey, it's all we get these days) and an easier experience overall. Bon voyage!
I love the play areas at Tampa Airport! The next time I'm there, I will take a picture and post it. I took my son there and let him run around until he practically fell asleep mid stride. It was hilarious. He recently learned how to walk, and still trips on his own feet sometimes. He was so tired that he tripped, and just stayed down. I got him up, kept him up for a few minutes, and then we boarded the plane. He slept for most of the flight. It was great. Business class seat, sleeping child. One of my best flights in years (second to International First/Business Class which we used to do when my mother worked for the airlines). The only good thing about all these stupid fees for bags and such, is that a business class seat (when you don't have to pay additional to check bags) is sometimes only a little more expensive than a coach fare plus all of the fees. So, because I check bags, it is worth it for me to give the extra money ($30 this time) to upgrade to business. A wider seat for me and the little one, better drinks and snacks (hey, it's all we get these days) and an easier experience overall. Bon voyage!
Monday, April 20, 2009
Meanings
My mother calls her grandchildren "bubala". It is interesting, because I just found out that bubalah is a Yiddish term of endearment, often used by grandmothers to refer to their grandchildren. It is usually translated as "sweetheart". It is amazing how words can find their way around the world. My mother does not speak Yiddish, and yet this word, meaning intact, has found its way into her vernacular. It's a small world after all...
And speaking of words, I recently re-read a few of my previous posts. I need to proofread. Please forgive my plethora of errors, I will try to be a better editor and poster in the future.
And speaking of words, I recently re-read a few of my previous posts. I need to proofread. Please forgive my plethora of errors, I will try to be a better editor and poster in the future.
Friday, April 17, 2009
The woman should wear the clothes
Not the clothes wear the woman. My mother drilled this into my head as a young woman. "You wear clothes, the clothes don't wear you".
Over the years, I have gone from being a conservative dresser, to short skirts and form fitting clothes, and back again. I have noticed the differences in the way that I am perceived, and treated, and the way I feel about myself depending on the way I dress.
In the past few months, I have returned to a more conservative form of dress. My clothes fit well, but are not tight, and most people notice that the majority of my body is covered with clothing (as opposed to a bikini top and mini skirt which is commonly worn in this part of the country). I'm not talking about post-baby frumpy mummy style, with sweat pants every day. I look put together...wouldn't want my style savvy siblings to be embarrassed to be seen with me. But there is an absence of skin and form fitting clothing. In addition to my conservative attire, most days when I leave the house, my hair is covered. The type of covering changes, depending on my mood, but there is usually some sort of fabric covering my hair.
And I have discovered that there is a degree of freedom when I am dressed more modestly. I'm not sure how to explain it, but it is there. I know that women should be free to wear whatever they want, and I support individual choice about how to dress. But in my personal experience, how I am dressed has a direct correlation to the way in which I am perceived and treated by others. And that changes how I interact with those around me. Not everyone, of course, some people are always nice or polite or respectful, and other are mean or nasty or rude to everyone they meet. But I have noticed that as my clothing became more conservative, and especially after I started covering my hair more often, I navigated my way through life a little differently. I've gotten some rude stars and comments, but overall people are more respectful and polite. Especially men. I noticed this when I was a teenager in NYC, how differently men interacted with me when I had on tight jeans versus a summer dress, and the difference is even more pronounced now. It might not be right, or fair, but that is life.
However, it is not only about other people, it is about me. I change also. It takes a different type of confidence to dress modestly. Dressing modestly is not about shame, like many think. I am not ashamed of my body or my sexuality, the opposite is actually true. I think I look pretty good! I spent a few years try to overcome low self esteem and poor body image, and during that time I wore certain things just because I had something to prove. I no longer have anything to prove, and so now I wear clothes because I like them, I feel and look good in them. And for me, that means that my clothing has a little more material than other women of similar stature usually wear.
The thing that has been most interesting to me is the compliments. I get more compliments on my outfits (from women) and my beauty (from men) than I think I've ever gotten in my life. Many people notice that I look nice first, and then that my hair is covered, and then they do a double take and realize that most of my body is "covered" also. And, I think, that is the way it should be.
Over the years, I have gone from being a conservative dresser, to short skirts and form fitting clothes, and back again. I have noticed the differences in the way that I am perceived, and treated, and the way I feel about myself depending on the way I dress.
In the past few months, I have returned to a more conservative form of dress. My clothes fit well, but are not tight, and most people notice that the majority of my body is covered with clothing (as opposed to a bikini top and mini skirt which is commonly worn in this part of the country). I'm not talking about post-baby frumpy mummy style, with sweat pants every day. I look put together...wouldn't want my style savvy siblings to be embarrassed to be seen with me. But there is an absence of skin and form fitting clothing. In addition to my conservative attire, most days when I leave the house, my hair is covered. The type of covering changes, depending on my mood, but there is usually some sort of fabric covering my hair.
And I have discovered that there is a degree of freedom when I am dressed more modestly. I'm not sure how to explain it, but it is there. I know that women should be free to wear whatever they want, and I support individual choice about how to dress. But in my personal experience, how I am dressed has a direct correlation to the way in which I am perceived and treated by others. And that changes how I interact with those around me. Not everyone, of course, some people are always nice or polite or respectful, and other are mean or nasty or rude to everyone they meet. But I have noticed that as my clothing became more conservative, and especially after I started covering my hair more often, I navigated my way through life a little differently. I've gotten some rude stars and comments, but overall people are more respectful and polite. Especially men. I noticed this when I was a teenager in NYC, how differently men interacted with me when I had on tight jeans versus a summer dress, and the difference is even more pronounced now. It might not be right, or fair, but that is life.
However, it is not only about other people, it is about me. I change also. It takes a different type of confidence to dress modestly. Dressing modestly is not about shame, like many think. I am not ashamed of my body or my sexuality, the opposite is actually true. I think I look pretty good! I spent a few years try to overcome low self esteem and poor body image, and during that time I wore certain things just because I had something to prove. I no longer have anything to prove, and so now I wear clothes because I like them, I feel and look good in them. And for me, that means that my clothing has a little more material than other women of similar stature usually wear.
The thing that has been most interesting to me is the compliments. I get more compliments on my outfits (from women) and my beauty (from men) than I think I've ever gotten in my life. Many people notice that I look nice first, and then that my hair is covered, and then they do a double take and realize that most of my body is "covered" also. And, I think, that is the way it should be.
Sunday, March 22, 2009
I never thought I'd say this...
我想上海。我想我的朋友。我想我的社区。生活中有时很难。但是，当它是好的，这是非常好的！
Translation:
I miss Shanghai. I miss my friends, my community. Life in China was hard sometimes, but when it was good it was very good!
Translation:
I miss Shanghai. I miss my friends, my community. Life in China was hard sometimes, but when it was good it was very good!
Friday, March 20, 2009
Obama Said Knock You Out
My sisters have a few Obama T-shirts. On one is imprinted "Obama Said Knock You Out" and the other reads "Save the Drama for Obama". The second is a personal favorite, often recited to one or another of my teenage siblings to defuse one of many regular OMG situations. It makes everyone laugh, especially after I wrote it on the bulletin board followed by the presidents e-mail address.
Continuing in this vain of non-political Obama-related info, it seems that I have a fan club. Since Obama's election, grandmothers (and aunts, great-aunts and the occasional cousin) stop me to show me pictures of their grandchildren. Their biracial grandchildren. They look at me, and my son, and then they want to show me pictures of their offspring. Looking at the adults and the pictures of the children, it appears that the children are mixed race, or adopted. And some will even hint at the fact that the children are biracial, without actually saying it, especially referencing skin color and hair texture. At first, it was just white women. But then the other day a black woman stopped me in the supermarket to chit chat, and then she showed me pictures of her granddaughter, who slightly resembles Alicia Keys. We were talking about the price of vegetables.
Since then, it has been women, and the occasional man, of all backgrounds, showing or describing their family members to me. Even when I'm in a group, they single me out (I'm serious, ask my sisters). I guess having a biracial president makes it more acceptable, and seeing me must just make them happy. So, thanks Obama, for reppin' brown America as well as black.
And finally, I would just like to say that my youngest sister, who is 14, was talking about Mrs. Obama the other day. "Ms. Michelle", she said - I didn't hear the rest. It was the first time I've heard a First Lady referred to in the same manner as a family friend, or the Sunday School teacher. "Ms. Michelle". Nice.
Continuing in this vain of non-political Obama-related info, it seems that I have a fan club. Since Obama's election, grandmothers (and aunts, great-aunts and the occasional cousin) stop me to show me pictures of their grandchildren. Their biracial grandchildren. They look at me, and my son, and then they want to show me pictures of their offspring. Looking at the adults and the pictures of the children, it appears that the children are mixed race, or adopted. And some will even hint at the fact that the children are biracial, without actually saying it, especially referencing skin color and hair texture. At first, it was just white women. But then the other day a black woman stopped me in the supermarket to chit chat, and then she showed me pictures of her granddaughter, who slightly resembles Alicia Keys. We were talking about the price of vegetables.
Since then, it has been women, and the occasional man, of all backgrounds, showing or describing their family members to me. Even when I'm in a group, they single me out (I'm serious, ask my sisters). I guess having a biracial president makes it more acceptable, and seeing me must just make them happy. So, thanks Obama, for reppin' brown America as well as black.
And finally, I would just like to say that my youngest sister, who is 14, was talking about Mrs. Obama the other day. "Ms. Michelle", she said - I didn't hear the rest. It was the first time I've heard a First Lady referred to in the same manner as a family friend, or the Sunday School teacher. "Ms. Michelle". Nice.
Tuesday, March 17, 2009
To Think
I have been intentionally silent. Having nothing positive to contribute, I choose to not contribute at all. Occasional silence is good for my spirit. It gives me the space to evaluate, to breath, to contemplate, to learn, to grow. I can only pray that I am doing all...
I have good news. My oldest friend is getting married! We have been friends since 1985. Yes, 1985. KW was my first friend, and I was hers. Sometimes, we can't believe that despite time, distance, and the general ups and downs of life, we are still in touch, yet alone friends. And she is (finally) going to marry her boyfriend of 7 years. I am so excited for her. We spoke the other night and talking to her, as usual, helped to give me a different perspective on my life, my dreams, my shortcomings, my blessings and my self.
We all make different choices, decisions that work for us, our lives, our situations. It is not easy to find friends that understand and respect those differences and love us nevertheless. I used to pride myself on being a good friend, but I know that sometimes I struggle with accepting the decisions that my friends make about their own lives without being distant or judgmental. One of the most wonderful things about KW is that even when I do something she wouldn't, or thinks I shouldn't, she respects my own choices about my life. She rarely shows surprise, or anger, or disappointment. The only thing that she will do is question, sometimes unrelentingly. The extent of personal information we have accumulated over almost 25 years of friendship means that she can ask things that others wouldn't know to ask. Her disposition and profession cause her to ask me the hard questions, and expect honest answers. The discernment and insight she possess allow her to ask the insightful questions that cause introspection and personal evaluation. But when the questions are answered, and the dialogue is done, even if she disagrees, she respects me and my ability to make decisions about my life that work for me. I appreciate that. And although I am reluctant to admit it, I don't have too many people in my life that. They say that to have a friend, be one. Maybe I need to be more of that type of friend to the people in my life.
I have good news. My oldest friend is getting married! We have been friends since 1985. Yes, 1985. KW was my first friend, and I was hers. Sometimes, we can't believe that despite time, distance, and the general ups and downs of life, we are still in touch, yet alone friends. And she is (finally) going to marry her boyfriend of 7 years. I am so excited for her. We spoke the other night and talking to her, as usual, helped to give me a different perspective on my life, my dreams, my shortcomings, my blessings and my self.
We all make different choices, decisions that work for us, our lives, our situations. It is not easy to find friends that understand and respect those differences and love us nevertheless. I used to pride myself on being a good friend, but I know that sometimes I struggle with accepting the decisions that my friends make about their own lives without being distant or judgmental. One of the most wonderful things about KW is that even when I do something she wouldn't, or thinks I shouldn't, she respects my own choices about my life. She rarely shows surprise, or anger, or disappointment. The only thing that she will do is question, sometimes unrelentingly. The extent of personal information we have accumulated over almost 25 years of friendship means that she can ask things that others wouldn't know to ask. Her disposition and profession cause her to ask me the hard questions, and expect honest answers. The discernment and insight she possess allow her to ask the insightful questions that cause introspection and personal evaluation. But when the questions are answered, and the dialogue is done, even if she disagrees, she respects me and my ability to make decisions about my life that work for me. I appreciate that. And although I am reluctant to admit it, I don't have too many people in my life that. They say that to have a friend, be one. Maybe I need to be more of that type of friend to the people in my life.
Sunday, January 11, 2009
Discontent
In the past few weeks I've contemplated change. Serious change. I would like to change the balance of my bank account, but that one takes time. I would really like to buy a house, but the bank account isn't ready yet. I would like to pay off all of my bills - that bank account again. And I need a car, any donors?
Realizing that maybe I needed to feel a little more in control of my life, I decided to focus on things that I can change. Like my hair color. Maybe I should dye my hair. I haven't done it yet, mostly because I'm afraid that I will hate it and then my hair will fall out. I need a new wardrobe, but as a woman that doesn't really enjoy shopping, a new wardrobe is not an easy thing to accomplish. I change my hairstyle every few days, and enjoy the daily changes of motherhood. I've gone out a little more, and experimented with make-up. I've decided to become a hustler, and get a few quick and relatively easy certifications, to make some money. Anyone need something notarized?
But the discontentment is still there. I realized it was serious when I started seriously discussing converting to a different religion. If I had out of the bottle red hair under my hijab, would you still be my friends?
Realizing that maybe I needed to feel a little more in control of my life, I decided to focus on things that I can change. Like my hair color. Maybe I should dye my hair. I haven't done it yet, mostly because I'm afraid that I will hate it and then my hair will fall out. I need a new wardrobe, but as a woman that doesn't really enjoy shopping, a new wardrobe is not an easy thing to accomplish. I change my hairstyle every few days, and enjoy the daily changes of motherhood. I've gone out a little more, and experimented with make-up. I've decided to become a hustler, and get a few quick and relatively easy certifications, to make some money. Anyone need something notarized?
But the discontentment is still there. I realized it was serious when I started seriously discussing converting to a different religion. If I had out of the bottle red hair under my hijab, would you still be my friends?
Saturday, November 29, 2008
SSN
Some of you have e-mailed me to express your shock and outrage after viewing Dispatches: Saving Africa's Witch Children. Although I obviously had a strong response, it is still surprising that so many of you thought and felt the exact same things that I thought and felt, even though I didn't blog about my reaction. It is also reassuring. I wanted everyone to see for themselves, and so I did not want to write too much, and I am glad that I didn't. A picture is worth a thousand words.
If you haven't had the chance to watch the videos yet, please take the time to watch. Some of the images are not "easy" to see, but you can still listen to what they are saying, even if you have to turn away for a few seconds. Feel free to comment. Continue to e-mail me. Here is a link to Stepping Stones Nigeria's website, for those of you that are interested in learning more or sending money to help them.
Monday, November 24, 2008
The best medicine
My husband and I do not like to argue. We do disagree and discuss, but no yelling, fuming, mud-slinging arguments. It's just not our style. We try not to go to bed angry at one another, even if that means getting little sleep. So far, this has been a simple task. The reason this is so easy for us is that he has two essential skills: 1)he does not get angry easily and 2)he can make me laugh when I am angry.
With this in mind, we were talking the other day about the various ways that spouses settle disagreements. In this conversation, he reminded me that no matter how upset I am with him, he knows that he can make me laugh and clear the air. So, I told him that I would do like American women, and make my husband sleep on the couch. A little confused, he asked where the wife sleeps.
"In the bed."
"In their bed?"
"Yes."
"And the husband sleeps on the couch?"
"Yes."
"What?"
"The wife kicks the husband out of their bedroom, and he has to sleep on the couch in the living room."
Silence. Then laughter.
"If you told me I couldn't sleep in our bed, I would just go to the children's bedroom."
Chuckle. I tried to imagine him willingly leaving our bedroom like the men on TV, and I knew it was almost impossible. "You'd sleep in there?"
"No. Play. Play with the baby. Make noise. Play games. Have a lot of fun. We would be so loud you would beg me to stop."
All I could do was laugh.
Thursday, September 18, 2008
Credit
This is the longest amount of time that I've been the US in about two years, and some things have changed. The change that is bothering me the most right now is the power, influence and importance of a persons credit report. Need car insurance? Your rate is determined not by past accidents or tickets, but your credit score. Great for all of the reckless drivers with excellent credit. Trying to get a new job? Your perspective employer would like to run your credit. You know that three digit number will tell them exactly what kind of an employee you will be. And of course, in order for all of these people to run your credit, you have to hand out your social security number like M&M's. In days identity theft driven world, you have to write down your Social Security number on your job application for CVS. CVS. Nuff said.
Then the other day I read this in November 2007 issue of Parents Magazine.
"The only institution that you are legally obligated to give your Social Security number to are your employer, your bank and the IRS. Your utility company, cell-phone provider, or credit card company may request it, but there's no law that says you have to give it. . . Remember, even if you think the company is reputable, once you give your SSN it can be seen by every customer service representative or receptionist who has access to your file. [p.134]
News flash. If I don't give the cell phone company my SSN I don't get a cell phone. Refuse to give it on job applications, no job. Credit card company, c'mon. I might not be legally obligated, but my life will be very difficult. And it is a horrible system. Not only because of identity theft, but because the overall system seems designed to keep the rich rich and the poor poor. Let me give you an example.
I went to university. An excellent university. One of the best. Which means it is expensive. My family is not rich so I took out loans. As a result, I left university with a lot of education debt. Then, although the US government wouldn't admit it, the market was already beginning to downturn, and I had a hard time finding a job. So, when I finally found work, I was making less than I paid in tuition, and it was a struggle to pay my bills. But, I went to work, sometimes working two and three jobs to try and pay my loans, and rent, and still eat, and maybe even save a little. Then I get a used car. They run my credit. Remember those loans? Well, my credit score is not great, not awful, but not great. So, my insurance rate goes up. Now the market is bad, and the company I work for goes belly-up. I try and find a new job, and everyone runs my credit. All of those enquires bring down my credit score. Then I get a letter from my credit card company. Not a card I use, my emergency card that I always pay on time, have never been late on, and have only used 3 times, in emergencies. The letter says that they did a review, and have decided to close my account. Not because of issues with their card, but because I owe someone else too much money. Oh, those student loans again. Great. Now one of the positive things on my credit report is a negative because they closed that account. The number is dropping. And because I'm having a hard time getting a job, the bills are going to start to pile up. Do you see the pattern emerging?
Now, if I had a trust fund, I would not have had to take out loans for college. Not getting a job right away wouldn't have been problematic, because I would have been able to pay rent and any other bills anyway. Laid off? No problem, there is enough in savings, or investments, or daddy's bank account. Get the picture?
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
