Not the clothes wear the woman. My mother drilled this into my head as a young woman. "You wear clothes, the clothes don't wear you".
Over the years, I have gone from being a conservative dresser, to short skirts and form fitting clothes, and back again. I have noticed the differences in the way that I am perceived, and treated, and the way I feel about myself depending on the way I dress.
In the past few months, I have returned to a more conservative form of dress. My clothes fit well, but are not tight, and most people notice that the majority of my body is covered with clothing (as opposed to a bikini top and mini skirt which is commonly worn in this part of the country). I'm not talking about post-baby frumpy mummy style, with sweat pants every day. I look put together...wouldn't want my style savvy siblings to be embarrassed to be seen with me. But there is an absence of skin and form fitting clothing. In addition to my conservative attire, most days when I leave the house, my hair is covered. The type of covering changes, depending on my mood, but there is usually some sort of fabric covering my hair.
And I have discovered that there is a degree of freedom when I am dressed more modestly. I'm not sure how to explain it, but it is there. I know that women should be free to wear whatever they want, and I support individual choice about how to dress. But in my personal experience, how I am dressed has a direct correlation to the way in which I am perceived and treated by others. And that changes how I interact with those around me. Not everyone, of course, some people are always nice or polite or respectful, and other are mean or nasty or rude to everyone they meet. But I have noticed that as my clothing became more conservative, and especially after I started covering my hair more often, I navigated my way through life a little differently. I've gotten some rude stars and comments, but overall people are more respectful and polite. Especially men. I noticed this when I was a teenager in NYC, how differently men interacted with me when I had on tight jeans versus a summer dress, and the difference is even more pronounced now. It might not be right, or fair, but that is life.
However, it is not only about other people, it is about me. I change also. It takes a different type of confidence to dress modestly. Dressing modestly is not about shame, like many think. I am not ashamed of my body or my sexuality, the opposite is actually true. I think I look pretty good! I spent a few years try to overcome low self esteem and poor body image, and during that time I wore certain things just because I had something to prove. I no longer have anything to prove, and so now I wear clothes because I like them, I feel and look good in them. And for me, that means that my clothing has a little more material than other women of similar stature usually wear.
The thing that has been most interesting to me is the compliments. I get more compliments on my outfits (from women) and my beauty (from men) than I think I've ever gotten in my life. Many people notice that I look nice first, and then that my hair is covered, and then they do a double take and realize that most of my body is "covered" also. And, I think, that is the way it should be.
Friday, April 17, 2009
Thursday, April 16, 2009
Superhuman
I know that Chris Brown has fallen out of favor at the moment, but I'm going to quote him (and Keri Hilson, and the actual songwriter) anyway...
I don't know what your love has done to me
Think I'm invincible I see
Through the me
I used to be
You changed my whole life
Don't know what your doing to me with your love
I'm feeling all Super human
You did that to me
Super human heart beats in me
Nothing can stop me here with you, superhuman
Super human
Strong
Since I've been flying and righting the wrongs
Feels almost like I had it all along
I can see tomorrow
But every problem is gone because
I flew everywhere with love inside of me
It's unbelievable to see
How love could set me free
You changed my whole life
Don't know what your doing to me with your love
I'm feeling all Super human
You did that to me
Super human heart beats in me
Nothing can stop me here with you, superhuman
Super human
As corny and cheesy and mushy as it might sound, this is how I feel about my husband. Even typing that makes me feel a little funny, a little nervous. Nervous about the responses. You see, so many people don't believe in love, don't believe in marriage, don't believe in love songs like this one. Not just general people, some of you, reading this right now, read those lyrics and scoffed. Maybe you scoffed at me, perhaps yourself, or even the very concept. There are times when the naysayers or the lack of support or enthusiasm get to me. And sometimes, I wonder if maybe I am wrong, maybe it is a fleeting illusion, maybe the other shoe will drop.
But the reality is that I do feel superhuman. Even the sound of his voice brings peace to my spirit, clarity to my thoughts, and a smile to my lips. He knows how to make me laugh. He is my fellow adventure seeking, wanderlust loving, on the go liver of life. He might not be perfect, but he is definitely perfect for me. He is my tall, dark and handsome. And if the other shoe is anything like the first, then it can drop.
I don't know what your love has done to me
Think I'm invincible I see
Through the me
I used to be
You changed my whole life
Don't know what your doing to me with your love
I'm feeling all Super human
You did that to me
Super human heart beats in me
Nothing can stop me here with you, superhuman
Super human
Strong
Since I've been flying and righting the wrongs
Feels almost like I had it all along
I can see tomorrow
But every problem is gone because
I flew everywhere with love inside of me
It's unbelievable to see
How love could set me free
You changed my whole life
Don't know what your doing to me with your love
I'm feeling all Super human
You did that to me
Super human heart beats in me
Nothing can stop me here with you, superhuman
Super human
As corny and cheesy and mushy as it might sound, this is how I feel about my husband. Even typing that makes me feel a little funny, a little nervous. Nervous about the responses. You see, so many people don't believe in love, don't believe in marriage, don't believe in love songs like this one. Not just general people, some of you, reading this right now, read those lyrics and scoffed. Maybe you scoffed at me, perhaps yourself, or even the very concept. There are times when the naysayers or the lack of support or enthusiasm get to me. And sometimes, I wonder if maybe I am wrong, maybe it is a fleeting illusion, maybe the other shoe will drop.
But the reality is that I do feel superhuman. Even the sound of his voice brings peace to my spirit, clarity to my thoughts, and a smile to my lips. He knows how to make me laugh. He is my fellow adventure seeking, wanderlust loving, on the go liver of life. He might not be perfect, but he is definitely perfect for me. He is my tall, dark and handsome. And if the other shoe is anything like the first, then it can drop.
Monday, April 13, 2009
Vegan Cupcakes
In light of the little ones food allergies, I've had to adjust my diet. I spent three days rather hungry, as I realized that my pantry was FULL of hidden allergens. It is actually a blessing in disguise, because it made me realize that I've slipped off of the fresh food diet of my youth. So, we went grocery shopping and purchased a lot of "ground food". I'll be going back to the cooking of my youth, which my husband will enjoy immensely as it is also the type of food to which he is accustomed. A friend of mine has also offered to purchase me an allergy free cookbook, which I think will be a valuable resource. I've scoured the Internet, and spoken to some friends, and found "top-8 free" and vegan cooking resources. But one area was still coming up short. Dessert. I love my fresh fruit and all, but sometime this woman wants a chocolate lava cake. A friend of mine suggested that I get Vegan Cupcakes Take over the World. So, I found a few of the recipes online, and decided to try one out before I purchased the book.
I took the plain vanilla cupcake recipe, added some vegan chocolate chips, and voila, a vegan cupcake. The thing that I liked about the recipe was that it wasn't a "regular" cupcake veganized. It didn't call for egg substitutes, and things of that nature. I seems that the authors created the recipe from the ground up, without the dairy and animal byproducts. And, it was easy. No strange ingredients that I can't find, or afford. In fact, I had all of the ingredients in my house already. Easy. So, was it tasty?
You bet it was! This is not a healthy cupcake. It is full of sugar and fat and vanilla and lovely deliciousness. If you want a healthy cupcake, this is not for you. If you want a GOOD cupcake (or cake or brownie) this this might be the book for you. I liked the cupcakes so much I ate four! I've never eaten four cupcakes in a row in my life. I only stopped myself because I knew it was a bad idea to eat any more. Everyone else in the house liked them too, a few people liked the vegan cupcake better than its non-vegan counterpart. The flavor is different, lighter, but it tastes like a cupcake. Most people would not believe that this cupcake was vegan.
I'm excited! I can make desserts for parties and celebrations. I can have parties and cookouts and get-togethers, and most people will be able to eat the foods I make. I won't have to cook two different meals for my family. My sister and mother, who love to bake, can still bless us with their culinary skills. We can all eat, drink and be merry, and no one suffers. My son and others with food allergies or dietary restrictions can enjoy everything. My husband, and others that eat everything, will love the well cooked, tasty food, and won't feel like they are suffering or eating tree bark.
I'm having a party...
I took the plain vanilla cupcake recipe, added some vegan chocolate chips, and voila, a vegan cupcake. The thing that I liked about the recipe was that it wasn't a "regular" cupcake veganized. It didn't call for egg substitutes, and things of that nature. I seems that the authors created the recipe from the ground up, without the dairy and animal byproducts. And, it was easy. No strange ingredients that I can't find, or afford. In fact, I had all of the ingredients in my house already. Easy. So, was it tasty?
You bet it was! This is not a healthy cupcake. It is full of sugar and fat and vanilla and lovely deliciousness. If you want a healthy cupcake, this is not for you. If you want a GOOD cupcake (or cake or brownie) this this might be the book for you. I liked the cupcakes so much I ate four! I've never eaten four cupcakes in a row in my life. I only stopped myself because I knew it was a bad idea to eat any more. Everyone else in the house liked them too, a few people liked the vegan cupcake better than its non-vegan counterpart. The flavor is different, lighter, but it tastes like a cupcake. Most people would not believe that this cupcake was vegan.
I'm excited! I can make desserts for parties and celebrations. I can have parties and cookouts and get-togethers, and most people will be able to eat the foods I make. I won't have to cook two different meals for my family. My sister and mother, who love to bake, can still bless us with their culinary skills. We can all eat, drink and be merry, and no one suffers. My son and others with food allergies or dietary restrictions can enjoy everything. My husband, and others that eat everything, will love the well cooked, tasty food, and won't feel like they are suffering or eating tree bark.
I'm having a party...
Wednesday, April 08, 2009
Chicken?
1) Unscrew the green cap of the carrying case and remove unit.
2) Grasp unit with the black tip pointing downward.
3) Form fist around the unit (black tip down).
4) With your other hand, pull off the gray safety release.
5) Hold black tip near outer thigh.
6) Swing and jab firmly into outer thigh until it clicks so that unit is perpendicular to the thigh.
7) Hold firmly against thigh for approximately 10 seconds.
8) Remove unit from thigh and massage injection site for 10 seconds.
9) Call 911 and seek immediate medical attention.
These are the instructions for my son's EpiPen Jr.®.
After a harrowing experience at a local restaurant, I took him to his pediatrician. We had allergy testing done in November, and I was still trying to get the results. After telling the doctor about the experience at the restaurant, which included hives and shortness of breath, he asked his staff why we didn't have the results of the allergy testing. They called the lab, which I had asked them to do 4-5 times in the past 4 months, and got the results. We took these results and went to see the allergist, who also performed some skin testing.
Based on the results of the blood work, skin testing, and his history, my son has a few food allergies/sensitivities, some severe enough to necessitate the EpiPen®. They also require a change in his diet, and mine, as he is still nursing. I was already a label reader, and now my detective skills will be honed. And my cooking skills also. It is a lot to process all at once, and requires a lot of education, and research, especially because of how much we travel. Daunting, but I know that good things will come of this experience. And I'm an Ivy-League grad and earthy mama, I'm up to the challenge.
What is he allergic to? Peanuts. Moderate, but this is a common allergy. Eggs. His most severe. Milk. Less severe, but combined with the others we should be careful. And chicken. Yes, chicken. I wonder if it is because much of the commercially available chicken contains arsenic. Hm, I guess there wouldn't be any arsenic in what is used for allergy testing. I guess.
So, I have a nine month old, and an EpiPen®. Please forgive me if, in the future, I struggle with being overprotective. Forget visions of sugarplum fairies, I have visions of anaphylaxis dancing in my head.
2) Grasp unit with the black tip pointing downward.
3) Form fist around the unit (black tip down).
4) With your other hand, pull off the gray safety release.
5) Hold black tip near outer thigh.
6) Swing and jab firmly into outer thigh until it clicks so that unit is perpendicular to the thigh.
7) Hold firmly against thigh for approximately 10 seconds.
8) Remove unit from thigh and massage injection site for 10 seconds.
9) Call 911 and seek immediate medical attention.
These are the instructions for my son's EpiPen Jr.®.
After a harrowing experience at a local restaurant, I took him to his pediatrician. We had allergy testing done in November, and I was still trying to get the results. After telling the doctor about the experience at the restaurant, which included hives and shortness of breath, he asked his staff why we didn't have the results of the allergy testing. They called the lab, which I had asked them to do 4-5 times in the past 4 months, and got the results. We took these results and went to see the allergist, who also performed some skin testing.
Based on the results of the blood work, skin testing, and his history, my son has a few food allergies/sensitivities, some severe enough to necessitate the EpiPen®. They also require a change in his diet, and mine, as he is still nursing. I was already a label reader, and now my detective skills will be honed. And my cooking skills also. It is a lot to process all at once, and requires a lot of education, and research, especially because of how much we travel. Daunting, but I know that good things will come of this experience. And I'm an Ivy-League grad and earthy mama, I'm up to the challenge.
What is he allergic to? Peanuts. Moderate, but this is a common allergy. Eggs. His most severe. Milk. Less severe, but combined with the others we should be careful. And chicken. Yes, chicken. I wonder if it is because much of the commercially available chicken contains arsenic. Hm, I guess there wouldn't be any arsenic in what is used for allergy testing. I guess.
So, I have a nine month old, and an EpiPen®. Please forgive me if, in the future, I struggle with being overprotective. Forget visions of sugarplum fairies, I have visions of anaphylaxis dancing in my head.
Friday, March 27, 2009
Sunday, March 22, 2009
I never thought I'd say this...
我想上海。我想我的朋友。我想我的社区。生活中有时很难。但是，当它是好的，这是非常好的！
Translation:
I miss Shanghai. I miss my friends, my community. Life in China was hard sometimes, but when it was good it was very good!
Translation:
I miss Shanghai. I miss my friends, my community. Life in China was hard sometimes, but when it was good it was very good!
Friday, March 20, 2009
Obama Said Knock You Out
My sisters have a few Obama T-shirts. On one is imprinted "Obama Said Knock You Out" and the other reads "Save the Drama for Obama". The second is a personal favorite, often recited to one or another of my teenage siblings to defuse one of many regular OMG situations. It makes everyone laugh, especially after I wrote it on the bulletin board followed by the presidents e-mail address.
Continuing in this vain of non-political Obama-related info, it seems that I have a fan club. Since Obama's election, grandmothers (and aunts, great-aunts and the occasional cousin) stop me to show me pictures of their grandchildren. Their biracial grandchildren. They look at me, and my son, and then they want to show me pictures of their offspring. Looking at the adults and the pictures of the children, it appears that the children are mixed race, or adopted. And some will even hint at the fact that the children are biracial, without actually saying it, especially referencing skin color and hair texture. At first, it was just white women. But then the other day a black woman stopped me in the supermarket to chit chat, and then she showed me pictures of her granddaughter, who slightly resembles Alicia Keys. We were talking about the price of vegetables.
Since then, it has been women, and the occasional man, of all backgrounds, showing or describing their family members to me. Even when I'm in a group, they single me out (I'm serious, ask my sisters). I guess having a biracial president makes it more acceptable, and seeing me must just make them happy. So, thanks Obama, for reppin' brown America as well as black.
And finally, I would just like to say that my youngest sister, who is 14, was talking about Mrs. Obama the other day. "Ms. Michelle", she said - I didn't hear the rest. It was the first time I've heard a First Lady referred to in the same manner as a family friend, or the Sunday School teacher. "Ms. Michelle". Nice.
Continuing in this vain of non-political Obama-related info, it seems that I have a fan club. Since Obama's election, grandmothers (and aunts, great-aunts and the occasional cousin) stop me to show me pictures of their grandchildren. Their biracial grandchildren. They look at me, and my son, and then they want to show me pictures of their offspring. Looking at the adults and the pictures of the children, it appears that the children are mixed race, or adopted. And some will even hint at the fact that the children are biracial, without actually saying it, especially referencing skin color and hair texture. At first, it was just white women. But then the other day a black woman stopped me in the supermarket to chit chat, and then she showed me pictures of her granddaughter, who slightly resembles Alicia Keys. We were talking about the price of vegetables.
Since then, it has been women, and the occasional man, of all backgrounds, showing or describing their family members to me. Even when I'm in a group, they single me out (I'm serious, ask my sisters). I guess having a biracial president makes it more acceptable, and seeing me must just make them happy. So, thanks Obama, for reppin' brown America as well as black.
And finally, I would just like to say that my youngest sister, who is 14, was talking about Mrs. Obama the other day. "Ms. Michelle", she said - I didn't hear the rest. It was the first time I've heard a First Lady referred to in the same manner as a family friend, or the Sunday School teacher. "Ms. Michelle". Nice.
Tuesday, March 17, 2009
To Think
I have been intentionally silent. Having nothing positive to contribute, I choose to not contribute at all. Occasional silence is good for my spirit. It gives me the space to evaluate, to breath, to contemplate, to learn, to grow. I can only pray that I am doing all...
I have good news. My oldest friend is getting married! We have been friends since 1985. Yes, 1985. KW was my first friend, and I was hers. Sometimes, we can't believe that despite time, distance, and the general ups and downs of life, we are still in touch, yet alone friends. And she is (finally) going to marry her boyfriend of 7 years. I am so excited for her. We spoke the other night and talking to her, as usual, helped to give me a different perspective on my life, my dreams, my shortcomings, my blessings and my self.
We all make different choices, decisions that work for us, our lives, our situations. It is not easy to find friends that understand and respect those differences and love us nevertheless. I used to pride myself on being a good friend, but I know that sometimes I struggle with accepting the decisions that my friends make about their own lives without being distant or judgmental. One of the most wonderful things about KW is that even when I do something she wouldn't, or thinks I shouldn't, she respects my own choices about my life. She rarely shows surprise, or anger, or disappointment. The only thing that she will do is question, sometimes unrelentingly. The extent of personal information we have accumulated over almost 25 years of friendship means that she can ask things that others wouldn't know to ask. Her disposition and profession cause her to ask me the hard questions, and expect honest answers. The discernment and insight she possess allow her to ask the insightful questions that cause introspection and personal evaluation. But when the questions are answered, and the dialogue is done, even if she disagrees, she respects me and my ability to make decisions about my life that work for me. I appreciate that. And although I am reluctant to admit it, I don't have too many people in my life that. They say that to have a friend, be one. Maybe I need to be more of that type of friend to the people in my life.
I have good news. My oldest friend is getting married! We have been friends since 1985. Yes, 1985. KW was my first friend, and I was hers. Sometimes, we can't believe that despite time, distance, and the general ups and downs of life, we are still in touch, yet alone friends. And she is (finally) going to marry her boyfriend of 7 years. I am so excited for her. We spoke the other night and talking to her, as usual, helped to give me a different perspective on my life, my dreams, my shortcomings, my blessings and my self.
We all make different choices, decisions that work for us, our lives, our situations. It is not easy to find friends that understand and respect those differences and love us nevertheless. I used to pride myself on being a good friend, but I know that sometimes I struggle with accepting the decisions that my friends make about their own lives without being distant or judgmental. One of the most wonderful things about KW is that even when I do something she wouldn't, or thinks I shouldn't, she respects my own choices about my life. She rarely shows surprise, or anger, or disappointment. The only thing that she will do is question, sometimes unrelentingly. The extent of personal information we have accumulated over almost 25 years of friendship means that she can ask things that others wouldn't know to ask. Her disposition and profession cause her to ask me the hard questions, and expect honest answers. The discernment and insight she possess allow her to ask the insightful questions that cause introspection and personal evaluation. But when the questions are answered, and the dialogue is done, even if she disagrees, she respects me and my ability to make decisions about my life that work for me. I appreciate that. And although I am reluctant to admit it, I don't have too many people in my life that. They say that to have a friend, be one. Maybe I need to be more of that type of friend to the people in my life.
Sunday, January 11, 2009
Discontent
In the past few weeks I've contemplated change. Serious change. I would like to change the balance of my bank account, but that one takes time. I would really like to buy a house, but the bank account isn't ready yet. I would like to pay off all of my bills - that bank account again. And I need a car, any donors?
Realizing that maybe I needed to feel a little more in control of my life, I decided to focus on things that I can change. Like my hair color. Maybe I should dye my hair. I haven't done it yet, mostly because I'm afraid that I will hate it and then my hair will fall out. I need a new wardrobe, but as a woman that doesn't really enjoy shopping, a new wardrobe is not an easy thing to accomplish. I change my hairstyle every few days, and enjoy the daily changes of motherhood. I've gone out a little more, and experimented with make-up. I've decided to become a hustler, and get a few quick and relatively easy certifications, to make some money. Anyone need something notarized?
But the discontentment is still there. I realized it was serious when I started seriously discussing converting to a different religion. If I had out of the bottle red hair under my hijab, would you still be my friends?
Realizing that maybe I needed to feel a little more in control of my life, I decided to focus on things that I can change. Like my hair color. Maybe I should dye my hair. I haven't done it yet, mostly because I'm afraid that I will hate it and then my hair will fall out. I need a new wardrobe, but as a woman that doesn't really enjoy shopping, a new wardrobe is not an easy thing to accomplish. I change my hairstyle every few days, and enjoy the daily changes of motherhood. I've gone out a little more, and experimented with make-up. I've decided to become a hustler, and get a few quick and relatively easy certifications, to make some money. Anyone need something notarized?
But the discontentment is still there. I realized it was serious when I started seriously discussing converting to a different religion. If I had out of the bottle red hair under my hijab, would you still be my friends?
Tuesday, December 30, 2008
Post 101- Recent moments in motherhood
This is my 101st post. I feel like I should celebrate in some way. But I can't think of anything, so here's to post 101.
I have a six month old son, my first child. And motherhood creates some interesting experiences.
Like buying toys for your son, only to watch everything become a teething ring. And earnestly welcoming first teeth, only to get bitten.
Watching him tear off his bib, "I'm DONE!"
Hearing him say "dadadada dada bababa dada baba" and acting like he's saying something that I understand. "Oh really, then what happened?"
Changing explosive poop diapers in the airplane bathroom WITHOUT the changing table and a wriggly baby. My idea of a good time.
Trying to get him to go to sleep...he smiles and laughs so you can't help but smile and laugh with him, even though you are frustrated and waiting for him to close his eyes...so you can do laundry, send some e-mails, make a phone call or two - wait he doesn't sleep THAT long.
Introducting new foods - ice cream, loved it. Sweet Potatoes - hated it! They were spit out and throw at me. He has good aim for someone with less than stellar hand-eye coordination.
More to come...
Oh, and HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I have a six month old son, my first child. And motherhood creates some interesting experiences.
Like buying toys for your son, only to watch everything become a teething ring. And earnestly welcoming first teeth, only to get bitten.
Watching him tear off his bib, "I'm DONE!"
Hearing him say "dadadada dada bababa dada baba" and acting like he's saying something that I understand. "Oh really, then what happened?"
Changing explosive poop diapers in the airplane bathroom WITHOUT the changing table and a wriggly baby. My idea of a good time.
Trying to get him to go to sleep...he smiles and laughs so you can't help but smile and laugh with him, even though you are frustrated and waiting for him to close his eyes...so you can do laundry, send some e-mails, make a phone call or two - wait he doesn't sleep THAT long.
Introducting new foods - ice cream, loved it. Sweet Potatoes - hated it! They were spit out and throw at me. He has good aim for someone with less than stellar hand-eye coordination.
More to come...
Oh, and HAPPY NEW YEAR!
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