I never thought I'd say this...

我想上海。我想我的朋友。我想我的社区。生活中有时很难。但是，当它是好的，这是非常好的！

Translation:
I miss Shanghai. I miss my friends, my community. Life in China was hard sometimes, but when it was good it was very good!

Obama Said Knock You Out

My sisters have a few Obama T-shirts. On one is imprinted "Obama Said Knock You Out" and the other reads "Save the Drama for Obama". The second is a personal favorite, often recited to one or another of my teenage siblings to defuse one of many regular OMG situations. It makes everyone laugh, especially after I wrote it on the bulletin board followed by the presidents e-mail address.

Continuing in this vain of non-political Obama-related info, it seems that I have a fan club. Since Obama's election, grandmothers (and aunts, great-aunts and the occasional cousin) stop me to show me pictures of their grandchildren. Their biracial grandchildren. They look at me, and my son, and then they want to show me pictures of their offspring. Looking at the adults and the pictures of the children, it appears that the children are mixed race, or adopted. And some will even hint at the fact that the children are biracial, without actually saying it, especially referencing skin color and hair texture. At first, it was just white women. But then the other day a black woman stopped me in the supermarket to chit chat, and then she showed me pictures of her granddaughter, who slightly resembles Alicia Keys. We were talking about the price of vegetables.
Since then, it has been women, and the occasional man, of all backgrounds, showing or describing their family members to me. Even when I'm in a group, they single me out (I'm serious, ask my sisters). I guess having a biracial president makes it more acceptable, and seeing me must just make them happy. So, thanks Obama, for reppin' brown America as well as black.

And finally, I would just like to say that my youngest sister, who is 14, was talking about Mrs. Obama the other day. "Ms. Michelle", she said - I didn't hear the rest. It was the first time I've heard a First Lady referred to in the same manner as a family friend, or the Sunday School teacher. "Ms. Michelle". Nice.

To Think

I have been intentionally silent. Having nothing positive to contribute, I choose to not contribute at all. Occasional silence is good for my spirit. It gives me the space to evaluate, to breath, to contemplate, to learn, to grow. I can only pray that I am doing all...

I have good news. My oldest friend is getting married! We have been friends since 1985. Yes, 1985. KW was my first friend, and I was hers. Sometimes, we can't believe that despite time, distance, and the general ups and downs of life, we are still in touch, yet alone friends. And she is (finally) going to marry her boyfriend of 7 years. I am so excited for her. We spoke the other night and talking to her, as usual, helped to give me a different perspective on my life, my dreams, my shortcomings, my blessings and my self.

We all make different choices, decisions that work for us, our lives, our situations. It is not easy to find friends that understand and respect those differences and love us nevertheless. I used to pride myself on being a good friend, but I know that sometimes I struggle with accepting the decisions that my friends make about their own lives without being distant or judgmental. One of the most wonderful things about KW is that even when I do something she wouldn't, or thinks I shouldn't, she respects my own choices about my life. She rarely shows surprise, or anger, or disappointment. The only thing that she will do is question, sometimes unrelentingly. The extent of personal information we have accumulated over almost 25 years of friendship means that she can ask things that others wouldn't know to ask. Her disposition and profession cause her to ask me the hard questions, and expect honest answers. The discernment and insight she possess allow her to ask the insightful questions that cause introspection and personal evaluation. But when the questions are answered, and the dialogue is done, even if she disagrees, she respects me and my ability to make decisions about my life that work for me. I appreciate that. And although I am reluctant to admit it, I don't have too many people in my life that. They say that to have a friend, be one. Maybe I need to be more of that type of friend to the people in my life.

Discontent

In the past few weeks I've contemplated change. Serious change. I would like to change the balance of my bank account, but that one takes time. I would really like to buy a house, but the bank account isn't ready yet. I would like to pay off all of my bills - that bank account again. And I need a car, any donors?

Realizing that maybe I needed to feel a little more in control of my life, I decided to focus on things that I can change. Like my hair color. Maybe I should dye my hair. I haven't done it yet, mostly because I'm afraid that I will hate it and then my hair will fall out. I need a new wardrobe, but as a woman that doesn't really enjoy shopping, a new wardrobe is not an easy thing to accomplish. I change my hairstyle every few days, and enjoy the daily changes of motherhood. I've gone out a little more, and experimented with make-up. I've decided to become a hustler, and get a few quick and relatively easy certifications, to make some money. Anyone need something notarized?

But the discontentment is still there. I realized it was serious when I started seriously discussing converting to a different religion. If I had out of the bottle red hair under my hijab, would you still be my friends?

Post 101- Recent moments in motherhood

This is my 101st post. I feel like I should celebrate in some way. But I can't think of anything, so here's to post 101.

I have a six month old son, my first child. And motherhood creates some interesting experiences.

Like buying toys for your son, only to watch everything become a teething ring. And earnestly welcoming first teeth, only to get bitten.

Watching him tear off his bib, "I'm DONE!"

Hearing him say "dadadada dada bababa dada baba" and acting like he's saying something that I understand. "Oh really, then what happened?"

Changing explosive poop diapers in the airplane bathroom WITHOUT the changing table and a wriggly baby. My idea of a good time.

Trying to get him to go to sleep...he smiles and laughs so you can't help but smile and laugh with him, even though you are frustrated and waiting for him to close his eyes...so you can do laundry, send some e-mails, make a phone call or two - wait he doesn't sleep THAT long.

Introducting new foods - ice cream, loved it. Sweet Potatoes - hated it! They were spit out and throw at me. He has good aim for someone with less than stellar hand-eye coordination.

More to come...
Oh, and HAPPY NEW YEAR!

SSN

Some of you have e-mailed me to express your shock and outrage after viewing Dispatches: Saving Africa's Witch Children. Although I obviously had a strong response, it is still surprising that so many of you thought and felt the exact same things that I thought and felt, even though I didn't blog about my reaction. It is also reassuring. I wanted everyone to see for themselves, and so I did not want to write too much, and I am glad that I didn't. A picture is worth a thousand words. 

If you haven't had the chance to watch the videos yet, please take the time to watch. Some of the images are not "easy" to see, but you can still listen to what they are saying, even if you have to turn away for a few seconds. Feel free to comment. Continue to e-mail me. Here is a link to Stepping Stones Nigeria's website, for those of you that are interested in learning more or sending money to help them. 

The best medicine

My husband and I do not like to argue. We do disagree and discuss, but no yelling, fuming, mud-slinging arguments. It's just not our style. We try not to go to bed angry at one another, even if that means getting little sleep. So far, this has been a simple task. The reason this is so easy for us is that he has two essential skills: 1)he does not get angry easily and 2)he can make me laugh when I am angry. 

With this in mind, we were talking the other day about the various ways that spouses settle disagreements. In this conversation, he reminded me that no matter how upset I am with him, he knows that he can make me laugh and clear the air. So, I told him that I would do like American women, and make my husband sleep on the couch. A little confused, he asked where the wife sleeps.

"In the bed."

"In their bed?"

"Yes."

"And the husband sleeps on the couch?"

"Yes."

"What?"

"The wife kicks the husband out of their bedroom, and he has to sleep on the couch in the living room."

Silence. Then laughter.

"If you told me I couldn't sleep in our bed, I would just go to the children's bedroom."

Chuckle. I tried to imagine him willingly leaving our bedroom like the men on TV, and I knew it was almost impossible. "You'd sleep in there?" 

"No. Play. Play with the baby. Make noise. Play games. Have a lot of fun. We would be so loud you would beg me to stop."

All I could do was laugh. 

Dispatches: Saving Africa's Witch Children

After a conversation with one of my aunts, my mother asked me to look up a show called Saving Africa's Witch Children. Apparently, it aired on Channel 4 (in the UK) a few days ago and caused quite a stir, at least in my aunt's circle. She stated that she only watched the first 10 minutes, it was so disturbing, but suggested that we try and watch it.

So, with the help of google, we tracked it down. I like to watch documentaries and "based on a true story" movies, my most recent Netflix movies included Rabbit Proof Fence (Australia's Stolen Generation), The Business of Being Born (self explanatory), Hurricane Katrina: A Requiem in Three Acts (also self explanatory), The Devil Came on Horseback (Conflict in Darfur) and Fidel (Castro, of course). Although it was a little difficult to find, my love of documentaries propelled me to keep searching, and finally youtube proved fruitful. I prefer to let those of you that are interested formulate your own opinions, and so I will post the links to the youtube videos (it is broken up into 6 segments). 

I would like to say that a few things about the presentation annoyed me. 

1) The events chronicled take place in Nigeria, the entire show was filmed in Nigeria, and yet the title of the program is Saving Africa's Witch Children. Why couldn't it be called "Saving Nigeria's Witch Children"? I have a few guesses about the answer to that question, and they all frustrate me.

2) Although I know that people are people, and I shouldn't see race, I do. The world just isn't there yet (despite the fact that Obama is the president-elect of the US). And unfortunately there were moments when I was watching when it looked like a white man coming in to save the black man from himself. Although I do NOT condone what is being done, and I applaud ANYONE of any race that is trying to make a difference, because of the ways in which most African nations and people are viewed and portrayed, it still bothers me when there is a tilt, however subtle, towards the idea of savage, uncivilized, barbarian Africans and their need to be lifted out of their darkness (pun intended). I do not think it was intentional, and they did show at least two Nigerian men that are making a difference so perhaps that is redeeming.

3) This television show made me think, again, about the power of religion. Over and over and over again I see people use God as their cover. Child abuse. Robbery. Rape. Murder. All in the "name" of God. It makes me sick.

Watch it.

Saving Africa's Witch Children Part 1

Saving Africa's Witch Children Part 2